I’m not even sure if anyone still remembers that I used to write. Well I really don’t and that kinda blows, but I’ve been really happy lately so I’m glad to say I’m no longer a cynic and I plan to devote this blog entirely to writing about what I like about the world. So What’s Making Me Glad This Week Is…

STUPID FUCKING PEOPLE!

Ha okay I call bullshit on the first part, fuck the world! So tonight I embarked on something I haven’t done in a few years, and it’s probably why I’ve been less eager to write about stuff. So the thing I did was browse through people’s profiles and I forgot how full of shit people are. Social networking is a terrible way to met people and the reason is that a personal profile, be it Myspace or Facebook, is written by and represented by the same person. I know the saying is “you’re your own worst critic” but that rule of thumb doesn’t float when someone describes themselves. For example, I came across this description about 20 minutes ago:

“I’m the type of girl who will burst out laughing, about something that happened yesterday. I’m not afraid to be myself, No matter the circumstances. I cant deny who i am, I’m not perfect. I run into things, I trip, I say stupid stuff, But that’s just me. I can sit for hours and stare at the sky and forget the world. No matter how hurt I am, I will try my hardest to brighten up your day. I’m the type of person who cares about everyone else so much, I never think of myself, My troubles, My problems. I’m the type of person that believes imperfection is beauty,madness is genius  and it’s better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when their right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.”

Sounds she’s like a pretty cool person right? BULL-FUCKING-SHIT! I’ve literally read that description more times than Snooki has contracted some form of herpes. According to Facebook and Myspace our entire generation is full of deep fucking people who care about everyone but themselves and are the most altruistic people that have ever lived…oh and they’re also full of contradictions, so without further adieu I—fuck it I’ll shut up and get to the damn point.

So you’re the type of carefree person that likes to laugh all the time…what are you fucking stupid?! Nobody is like that, and if they are, then they’re pretentious assholes that live in they’re own little bubble of making their own god damn lives more fun. Either that or you’re some sort of metal case. It’s not normal to laugh all the time; either you’re exaggerating the point or you really do laugh all the time in which case you’re one of two things: annoying or severely retarded.

You’re not afraid to be yourself? Really? Let’s start off by saying you’re quoting children’s books, Hallmark cards and Hannah Montana movies full of this typical dipshit philosophy that’s actually passed off as real knowledge; we’re all adults, we should be beyond the point of having to quote what a 3-year-old barely learned from an episode of Spongebob Squarepants. Sure you may see yourself as an ugly duckling and you’re proud of it, but the Levi jeans, dyed hair, stylish glasses, playlist of everything hip and modern proves that you’re really…REALLY trying to be a swan. I’m not saying it’s a terrible thing to be into popular things, but there’s is nobody on this planet who is a true individual anymore, especially in this shitty, consumer cesspool of marketable, toxic shit! Oh and you’re not perfect and you admit it. Am I supposed to be impressed? Saying you’re not perfect doesn’t make you special, it’s as if you’re trying to be different by saying the sky is blue, it’s completely fucking obvious you dumb bimbo. Now if you say you’re perfect, then you’re being an individual…but you’re also being a stuck up douche.

So you run into things and are generally clumsy, oh how cute! You are admitting that you’re retarded. Couple that with the laughing all the time thing and you’ve got yourself a stupid fucking person…moving on now. Oh and you can stare for hours at the sky. Well you’re climbing higher and higher on the Forrest Gump scale with every description of yourself missy. I hardly find staring at the sky for long periods of time interesting seeing as you’re young, which means you’ve probably got a fancy phone that you’re parents are paying for that you’re constantly glued to. Saying you stare at the sky for hours doesn’t make me think you’re deep, it makes me think you’re shitfaced on something in-between Facebooking on your phone and party hopping.

I’m going to just smash all the caring aspects of the description into one mini-rant so here it goes. You never think of yourself, you’re all about other people, you cheer them up even when you’re down, blah, blah, blah! There’s a certain level of self aggrandizement with such a statement. If you literally have to put down as a description of yourself as being this completely caring person then you obviously have no humility and you’re doing this shit because it makes you feel good about you! Can you imagine if Jesus wrote about himself as being completely caring, I can’t believe how much I love people because that’s just the kind of guy I am? So yeah, that’s my point, what would Jesus gloat about? I’m not impressed by your self-richeous attempt at seeming like an actual human being, you’re just as selfish and ignorant as the next brain dead piece of American existence so stop acting so one-of-a-kind and go blend into a crowd of like-minded zombie scene fucks.

Okay now you think that “imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it’s better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.” Right, imperfection is beauty? Yeah, agree to date this guy and maybe I’ll be convinced:

According to her philosophy, this guy is Robert Pattinson.

Madness is genius? Oh really?


A genius that outshines Einstein according to said philosophy

And it’s better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring. As if there are only two types of people in the world. I fucking hate it when people try to divide up people and life into simple groups or metaphors. As if your only choice in life was to aspire to be Ben Stein or Johnny Knoxville.


Ben Stein, the official Spokesman of Boring since 1970

“I believe that everything happens for a reason.” Oh fuck, here we go again. If you’re an consistent reader of what I write you already know how I feel about this, but I’ll try to explain quickly. Nothing happens for a reason and assuming everything happens for a reason is extremely lazy. There is no such thing as things happening for a reason because it’s completely backwards. Let’s say you have cancer. A dumb, typical dipshit like this girl I’m picking apart will think it happened because let’s just say she has a bad relationship with her father and the thought of impending death makes her make amends and that’s why she got cancer. It’s completely backwards, it’s like saying “I needed to have explosive diarrhea which is why I went to McDonalds.” We assign purpose or we react to events because we need to deal with them; things don’t happen for a reason, what we do now are the results of other occurrences. Sure we encounter freaky coincidences but that hardly qualifies as reason or fate. The universe is god only knows how old and how vast and you’re flipping out and saying fate because you met Mr. Right in a cab you happened to catch in the rain, that’s not fate it’s just a freak occurrence that happened in the vast expanses of the universe, it doesn’t mean shit! It stems from the same idiots that think there’s a meaning of life. No I’m not saying that life is meaningless, but the purpose of life is to find meaning, which doesn’t mean that one should fuck around and be a glutton of personal pleasures, it means that one must find personal, spiritual and communal peace. There is no general meaning for all people because we all need to prove our worth for the greater good and everyone’s got their own role to play and maybe that’s why people are fucking nuts in our society because hardly anyone has a say in what they do. You’ve had a prick teacher, prick principal, prick boss and a prick banker that jacks you’re interest rates up on your mortgage and credit card bills so now you need to work two jobs at somewhere you don’t want to for another prick boss and we wonder why we’re all doped up on anti-depressants, but I digress.

Now we come to the last point. So people change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so you can appreciate when they go right and things fall apart so better things can fall together (everything happens for a reason just rephrased to convey the illusion of her being deep). This is all fortune cookie shit that this ditz probably read on her equally dim bulbed friend’s profiles. Now the absolute worse part of this description—the point that C-O-M-P-L-E-T-E-L-Y contradicts the entire I’m so altruistic thesis of her description…”you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself.” You’re essentially saying that everyone’s opinion doesn’t matter but your own, which is extremely useful if you’re going for that good old fashion tyrant’s way of thinking. If you can trust nobody but yourself, then there’s no point in even socializing with other people because they’re all backstabbing fucks and you can’t take their words seriously because who needs other people when you’re already so awesome? Sure it’s good to be cautious but really? Trust no one? How exactly do you gauge who to trust and who not to trust? Do you just not trust everyone until you make your own carefully crafted evaluations or do you just say “fuck it all” and hope you’ve got the brain capacity to evaluate every aspect of your life yourself and seeing as you’re a retard that can laugh 24/7, you constantly fall and trip everywhere, you believe that things happen for a reason, and you’re a stuck up, self-richeous dimwit who’s intelligence and mental state is in question because you self admitted you say stupid things, then how can you trust yourself? The human genome will improve once these people blow their fucking brains out and that’s all I’ve got to say.

Before I sign off, I want to say that I’ve got nothing against this person personally, I’ve got everything against people that recycle these same bullshit forms of philosophy that is ever pervasive in our society. We like to champion how individualistic people are but really, people are very bland, boring, simple mother fuckers. I know I said I hate it when people try to group others and life into simple categories, but I’ve got a point and I know it (I’m trusting no one but myself right now, *laugh out loud*(fuck lol)). But I’ve got something nobody has when they make generalizations…proof! Just go to your local high school at around 3pm and look at these fucking clones—kids, I meant kids. They all look the same, speak the same, dress the same (in the nation’s uniform of jeans and a t-shirt) and they’re profiles on Facebook or Myspace all say the same fucking thing: I love my friends, don’t fuck with me or I’ll fuck you up, I’m an individual, I care about people, I’m a humble person—shut the fuck up, humble people don’t say they’re humble. I know it’s hard to actually THINK but do it. I hate to toot my own horn but I actually took time to really evaluate what I believe and have formulated certain philosophies that I govern my life by as well as concrete reasons and in depth explanations as to why I think the way I do. Do I stick to it all the time? No, nobody does. I’m a generous person and I’m a selfish fuck at times for example. My point is that I want to believe people can really create their own individuality even if they’re complete dead weights on the human gene pool. But the truth is that thinking is too hard for a lot of people and it’s easier to build a personality from taking tidbits of this shitty culture we’re stuck in and couple them with quotes from bumper stickers and Starbucks cups.

That’s why STUPID FUCKING PEOPLE are pissing me off!


- Jason

I know I haven’t exactly been as diligent in posting these things every week but I do have an outside life. So with the “historic health care dismantlement and revolution of 2010” *insert sarcasm here* just past in Congress a few weeks ago, let us remind ourselves here why we need change. So What’s Pissing Me Off For April 13th - April 19th is HEALTHCARE!!!

As the world’s most trustworthy news network that’s world renowned for it’s integrity in reporting in the history of the entire universe *insert more sarcasm here* has told you from the video up there, little 9-year-old Malkolm Poyer came up with an ingenious way to help his parents pay for the heart surgery that he needed in order to…uhm…live. As inspirational as the anchor that oddly resembles Joel Olsteen—the reverend saint of feel-good bullshit—puts it, I couldn’t help being slightly disgusted with the entire story’s premise. Sure it’s quite interesting that a 9-year-old boy came up with a way to make a few bucks that makes me feel like a jackass for writing free shit for you bastards to giggle at in between checking tweets and what time Clash of the Titans is showing, but it does seem like his cause is a reflection of a void in American society. No little Malkolm wasn’t trying to raise money for a charity, nor was he getting cash to help out his parents during the recession—instead he NEEDED to raise money because this country would rather see a poor kid die because the board of directors for Kaiser needed to get $2 million bonuses.

First of all, I have no idea if Malkolm has medical insurance, but either way it’s a crime that anyone in the nation should have to resort to online bidding in order to pay for medical bills when the nation spends more on healthcare than any other Western country in the world and gets the least back for it. And where is all our money going? Well to the $2 million bonuses, corporate jets, 16 room mansions with a helicopter deck and titty filled yaughts off the coast of Tahiti for some health care executive; or hell maybe they bought asset backed securities with our money and took down the economy while they were killing grandma—you never know! So is it just me or did Malkolm up there need to be in a country that wouldn’t have to force him and his family to such ridiculous tricks and antics to pay for what is essentially his right to live? I hate to be the guy that sings the same tune over and over again, but there is something definitely wrong with us when Wall Street gets $700+ billion of free money without stipulations or oversight and kids like Malkolm have to result to slangin’ shit for medical care. And Malkolm is one of the lucky ones; serious medical emergencies happen all the time to people all around the country that are denied care because of finances who aren’t as blessed to get on the news, or to have a story make $5,500 on ebay or even healthy enough to write a god damn story in the first place or for that matter, not being healthy enough to even work to make a dollar to help yourself!

Now with the passage of healthcare reform it’s all going to be alright, yes? Well…start counting your pennies Malkolm or come up with a sequel because insurance companies hired thousands of greasy, shit for soul lawyers to find loopholes in an already watered down piece of shit health care “overhaul”…pfff healthcare overhaul, that’s like calling Clay Aiken an action hero!

Yippiekayay mother fuckers!

According to Helen Redmond, a commentator for socialistworker.org, the bill will “mandate” people to buy policies from private insurers, without any guarantees of affordable premiums or adequate coverage. It won’t have a “public option.” It will slash spending and benefits for the federal government’s Medicare program by $500 billion. It will impose a tax in some form on employer-provided insurance—supposedly aimed at expensive “Cadillac” plans, but in reality affecting any insurance that has decent benefits.”[1] Okay so it taxes the insurance plans with the most premiums, and only rich fat cats can afford good plans so taxing Cadillac plans is a good thing right? When you consider that many working class labour unions have fought for such a thing, this essentially means that the bill will directly tax union benefits like union healthcare plans; it’s another way Congress gets working class people to pay for the medial-pharmaceutical-insurance complex. Oh and by “mandate,” Helen means that by 2014, the government can tax you if you have not purchased healthcare from the private for profit system with either $95 if you didn’t make enough money or by 2% of you annual income if you did make enough.

The Conservatives like to masquerade as the people that are pro-life, but they couldn’t give two shits about Malkolm and his achy-breaky-heart! And that’s what it really comes down to; the healthcare debacle in this country really is a prolife issue however, Conservatives and generally people who don’t read and ne’er done ‘erd of one dem fancy terlet things outside of it’s natural habitat, living in the front yard…

(I imagine that’s the redneck bird feeder)

…consider it yet another way for lazy people to get free shit from them. Yeah, I’m all for people working for what they have and being a productive member of society, but I’m also for helping people that are fucking DYING! It definitely says something about the national psyche when we’d much rather give billions of dollars to people that tanked the nation’s economy, threw you out your house, give you shit wages, hike your interest rates, and destroyed the nations of Iceland and Greece because you don’t want some lazy nigger or spick (especially if he’s an illegal alien) a tourniquet when they come bleeding out the face in a hospital from a work related accident from a job that offers no benefits and less than minimum wage, no that gravy train needs to stop. Now I know the illegal alien thing is a touchy subject so let’s just show you an example of how much Teabagger Chris Reichert cares about Robert A. Letcher, age 60 and a former nuclear scientist with a doctorate from Cornell University who’s been on disability since 2005 with Parkinson’s disease, as he throws money mocking him and his illness:

Welcome to America folks!

And that’s why HEALTHCARE is pissing me off!!!

- Jason

Happy St. Totally get Shitfaced day! Okay so this has pissed me off ever since elementary school so What’s Pissing Me Off For March 17th - March 23rd is THE PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE!!!



Now as many of you are probably thinking “Oh you big mean socialist you, you just hate the pledge because it says ‘under god’ and you’re a hell-bound commie!!!” Well it’s not exactly the pledge that puts my nuts in a vice, but the fact that every few years or so, some goody-two-shoe, move-on.org member, Starbucks sipping, liberal asswipe thinks they should take it to court because it violates the separation of church and state and on the other side of the fence, some uppity, culture-warrior, Christian paranoid freak thinks it’s Armageddon because someone as cooky as he is just in a reversal of beliefs is intruding on his god, guns and hot blonde 12-year-olds! Recently, a federal appeals court in San Francisco upheld the use of the phrase “Under God” in the Pledge of Allegiance and the words “In God We Trust” on US currency in the case of [Michael] Newdow v. Rio Linda Union School District. Of course Mr. High and Mighty Michael Newdow, the poster boy of frivolous liberal causes is all butt hurt because he feels his rights are being trampled upon because it says “god” in the pledge.

I’m going to start off by saying there is a problem with the Pledge of Allegiance, but it’s not the under god part, it’s the entire fucking thing! We all know it so let’s begin:

1) “I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America…” — right away you’re swearing allegiance to a piece of cloth which would be made in China if people wouldn’t blatantly be pissed off about it. Sure the flag is supposed to represents a way of life and all that other all-American, I <3 Capitalism rhetorical nonsense, but swearing allegiance to a flag? Especially when you consider the rest of the content of the pledge doesn’t mention any other type of defendable value of which would merit such belligerent allegiance. Let’s press on…

2) “…And to the republic for which it stands…” — since when and for that matter for who? Lately, and for the oh-let’s-say past 200+ years of our nation’s history, the US has stood for the people who have needed the most help like the Rockefellers, the DuPonts and all the other robber barons of the past, present and from the bleak look at the left today, the much distant future; the Pullman Strike, the Haymarket Riot, the Taft-Hartley act, and more recently the Depository Institutions Deregulation and Monetary Control & Gramm-Leach-Bliley acts of 1980 & 1999 respectively and much more, I mean the list can go on with only sporadic legislative action taken on behalf of the majority of working class people. So from the looks of it and what working people have had to fight for like…a fucking day off, it seems as if the republic doesn’t necessarily stand for you, so why the fuck swear allegiance to it? And just for shits and giggles, your wondrous Republic gave well to do people 700+ billion dollars to cover a bunch of bad bets made by trading the lives of real people…way to go America.

3) “…one nation under god,…” — and here we go, under god. To me, the “under god” part is probably the most non-full-off-shit moment in the pledge’s entire existence so we’ll just skip that, let the Jesus freaks and Pat Robertson have their stupid little 4 word glory.

4) “indivisible, …” — Indivisible? Never heard of the Civil War huh? Or all these dumbass secessionists, tea-bagger faggots, neo-nazi dillholes, KKK hillbillies, or Wall Street investor bandits? You get the idea: Americans would fucking slit each other’s throats for just a shot at winning American Idol so we’re pretty fucking divisible.

5) “With Liberty and Justice for all.” — wow…do I really need to explain this? Yes and here I go: Robert Ferguson is serving an 8-year-sentence for shoplifting a bag of shredded cheese from a California convenience store, 2/3 of the West Memphis 3 convicted “murderers” are serving life sentences while the other is on death row after 15-years and a ton of evidence vindicating all 3, Tommy Chong was sent to prison for 9 months for selling bongs on the internet, in Wilkes Barre, Pennsylvania, privatized juvenile hall PA-Childcare convicted 6,500 kids on frivolous charges for PA-Childcare profits, in 1969, John Sinclair was arrested and sentences to 10-years in prison for giving 2 joints to an undercover narcotics police officer, and compare this to corporations polluting our environment, screwing over workers, shooting, beating and intimidating labour organizers and unions, placing exorbitant bets using tax payer dollars as insurance, ruining people’s lives and making a killing off workers sweat, toil, desperation, aspirations and deaths while facing little or even no criminal charges whatsoever because they’re in Obama’s words “savvy business men.”

So in short, I believe we either need to renovate the Pledge of Allegiance so that it’s not a big fucking lie or pull a god damn revolution so that the Pledge actually reflects the facts. Knowing how lazy Americans are, I’ll do the first thing:

I Pledge Allegiance to the Flag of the United States of America



(by then it’ll look like this)

And to the Plutocracy of which I serve
One nation controlled by Wall Street
Undistributable is the wealth that is created
for the welfare of my boss.

In shorter…EAT SHIT MICHAEL NEWDOW!

And that’s why the PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE is pissing me off!!!


- Jason





And some fun facts for you all that may surprise you: the pledge was written in 1892 by Francis Bellamy who was a Baptist minister and a Christian Socialist (Hugo Chavez, Martin Luther King Jr, Helen Keller and professor/writer Cornel West all consider themselves Christian Socialists). Up until 1942, the Pledge of Allegiance was said like this with the Bellamy Salute:



The words “under god” were added during the Cold War (1954) in what I think was a national attempt at making Stalin jealous that god was exclusively our BFF.



It’s okay big guy, Jesus loves everyone.

okay maybe not everybody…

Before I say anything, I’d like to mention that this has nothing to do with my recent state of unemployment. I’ve been meaning to write this for years, but haven’t simply because I didn’t want to hurt anyone I worked with & I didn’t want to jeopardize my job by writing something that would draw negative attention to myself, but now that I don’t work at Target anymore, I’m finally free to tell you all that What’s Pissing Me Off For February 16th - February 22nd is ASSETS PROTECTION!!!

A bunch of fake wannabe cops with all the perks of authority minus the cool weapons, a badge that doesn’t have a stupid Target dog on it, and the actual feeling that you’re upholding the law in the name of public tranquility, Target’s “Assets Protection,” much like every other retailer’s division of Loss Prevention, does pretty much what any shallow excuse for Police training does in the private sector does: protect a rich man’s money by getting poor kids in trouble and on occasion stepping on elderly people’s heads that are suspected of stashing away a forgotten can of string beans. Now I know it might be a little brash of me to just assume all they do is needlessly browbeat and harass people that really don’t deserve it, I’m sure they do their job professionally and provide a certain level of security, but it’s the principle of their existence is what pisses me off and the extent of which they exercise their authority.

Now I’ve worked for Target for over two years and I can tell you the horror stories that these assholes have done—case in point, I didn’t just mention the “stepping on elderly people’s heads” thing because it was the first heartless human action that came to my sick sadistic mind, but it actually happened about several months ago (and if you’re reading this, I’m personally calling you out you fucking ASSHOLE!) Well excuse me, I don’t know what came over me (yes I did…and you’re still an asshole), but aside from brutally assaulting brittle old people that didn’t speak English (I’m not embellishing the story either; you see why I’m pissed?) that may or may not have done anything wrong, Assets Protection, or AP as they’re called, are no different in function than the callous bastards that work for health insurance companies to find errors in people’s application to deny coverage. I’m not saying AP is killing anyone, but the main function they serve is to save their company’s money. Sure you can slap a whole moralist argument in the fact that the people AP work to prevent and prosecute are nothing more than thieves, of which I’m not going to deny, they are thieves, but what can be said about the people that protect social thieves? Of course the thieves I’m talking about is the Target corporation; an entity that: is constantly being sued for under-compensating work by shaving hours or bumping hours from week to week as to not compensate for overtime worked, has engaged in labour organizing coercion, assaulted people deemed “thieves”, is guilty of driving local businesses out of communities (case in point: the new Target opening in Asuza, CA in an area surrounded by small mom & pop shops that’ll inevitably go out of business), actively denies unemployment claims because they don’t give workers enough hours to make ends meet—I mean the list can go on.

I’m not trying to say that Target is more evil than a two-bit thief—okay, yes they are—but it’s not the main point I’m trying to make, the point is that AP just represents a bad principle in modern society, one that makes people distrustful of each other, separates us from one another and really cheerleads a master/servant model of business. Considering how Target, much like every corporation out there, is run like a monarchy—which it is, and to drive the point home, when was the last time you were given the chance to vote for their board of directors…yeah…thought so—AP would act as the king’s guards to protect their bloated royal asses from the masses. In a way, when you consider all the terrible things that Target and pretty much every company on the earth are guilty of committing, it’s really easy to disrespect their strong arm, even if they’re cheery fellows that do serve a somewhat positive service. I recall a metaphor said by author Noam Chomsky that loosely states: a slave owner can be the most benevolent man in the world; he can be nice to his family, nice to his friends & neighbors and even nice to his slaves, but he’s inherently evil because the institution that he partakes in is evil. So in a way, AP and others like them are…I wouldn’t go as far as saying they’re evil, but they do commit a disservice to people by representing and upholding the structure that keeps this shitty system we have going. It’s a pretty big weight to put on just one group of people and I’m not saying it’s all their fault, however, I am making the case that they are pretty much the same as any strong arm that protects any form of evil such as the military that fights illegal wars based on shakey evidence or police that uphold ridiculous and unjust laws.

Again, I’m not saying the people they confront are just innocent kids and old people, I’m sure most of them are really stealing and yeah, stealing is wrong, but in the larger scheme of things, is AP really helping society uplift itself from people driven to theft or are they really just fighting fire with fire? (Which last I checked just creates a big ass inferno). Alright, enough with the macro-philosophy, let’s make fun of these fuckers! Who the hell do they think they are with their stupid little cop outfits? And the Segways? Not only is the Segway really really gay, but the neon vest and helmet really put the cherry on the cake of gay. So fuck you bastard AP fagwads, and fuck your 1984 camera spying, ducking and peeking through the aisles looking like a retarded retired National Geographic explorer on retail safari trying to spy on potential thieves on the other side, you look like fucking stupid asses when you do that and it’s pretty fucking obvious you’re there, fuck you’re dumb little “look out for people dressed in unseasonal clothing” because I wear long sleeves all the fucking time and it’s annoying being followed, fuck your calling me up at the Electronics desk because you’re using the cameras to catch me…gasp…TEXTING! Go fucking catch another 80-year-old “crook” and bash his head in or catch a cold or something you nosey, self-important, role-deluded, Neanderthalian dipshits. Oh and to whoever is the Leader of AP, you know who I’m talking about if you work there…yeah that guy, Mr. Inspector Fucking Gadget, go fuck yourself you little bitch! Everyone knows the only reason you act the way you do is because you have a dick a size that would set the goal for the most talented nano scientist on the planet to reach, you’re a failed ex-jock that didn’t accomplish anything in life and in realization of “holy shit, this is it,” scurried into a remedial semi-management position who’s daily accomplishment at work is stopping high schoolers from making off with free sodas and if you were any more ridiculous on the floor while trying to catch someone, you would be walking around in a pair of these:

Which apparently works because I’m sure the guy that walked out of the store with a free 50” TV a few months ago was probably wearing those when he walked right passed your stupid ass.

And that’s why ASSETS PROTECTION is pissing me off!

- Jason

PS: And fuck my old supervisor that ass kissing, creepy ass mother fucker who’s suppressed homosexuality is on par with Ryan Seacrest, nobody likes you and to reassure your fear, if you left, the relief that everyone would feel from your absence would surpass the feeling of getting anti-venom after being bitten by a king cobra.

PPS: Just for the record, I’ve gotten to know some cool ass dudes from AP, this is in no way reflecting my personal opinion of you at all, but the institution. If you can understand that I have my opinions about things and that I do not wish to personally attack anyone (except when I explicitly mentioned specific people above and both they and you know who you are) then we should be good. If not, then GFYYTLBF (go fuck yourself you touchy little bitch fag).

Welcome to my new home here on Tumblr and from what I’ve been seeing and experiencing, it’s a lot better than posting these things on that crappy ass Myspace website. Psh…so 2006. Anyway, here’s my first post and don’t forget to comment it below—even if you don’t have a Tumblr account you can still comment. I’ll try to work on a mailing list if anyone’s interested or if you’re already a Tumblr member, you can follow my blogs. See you all here :).

So being the optimist I am [<—sarcasm], I believe that 2009 was a pretty shitty year that was made even shittier by the existence of these people as their stench made the year as pleasant as rotting corpses.

21. MICHAEL PHELPS:
CRIMES: The potential Messiah of the pot legalization movement that millions of stoned Americans were waiting for that totally caved to public pressure in an attempt to save his crappy reputation of being a good swimmer which has as much social significance as David Blaine being a “magician.” Phelps was caught smoking weed out of a bong and instead of defending his choices, he totally pussed out because paranoid white people are still afraid of a harmless plant. Phelps could have gone down as a man that stood up for his beliefs in the face of huge odds and could have helped millions of people not face persecution for the choices they make in smoking weed, but apparently being known as the closest thing to Aqua Man was more important than being a real man.

EXHIBIT A: Admitted that smoking pot was “…behavior which was regrettable and demonstrated bad judgment.”

SENTENCE: The ghost of Bob Marley casts voodoo spell that turns Phelps into what he is…a giant walking (or swimming) pussy.


20. KATHY GRIFFIN:
CRIMES: A woman so viley narcassistic that it seems as if she’d love nothing more than to have a public miscarriage just so people would pay attention to her. A regular leech on the red carpet that mooches off the fame of people with actual talent, this irritating woman with an even more horrible voice pushes herself in your face in a desperate attempt to cover past failures while trying to fit in with the cool kids like the pathetic fat girl that tries to hang out with the cheerleaders in high school.

EXHIBIT A: Said “suck it Jesus” to get attention by pissing off Christians when pissing off Christians is the easiest thing on the planet to do.

SENTENCE: Given invitation to A list Hollywood party. Apon arrival and after she gets out of the limo, totally dolled up with a bag full of pre-composed controvercial, page 10 worthy liners, she is kidnapped and is marooned on an island with people who don’t give a shit about what she has to say and where cameras don’t exist.


19. MATTHEW LESKO
CRIMES: Ever stay up all night watching whatever reruns on TV Land and were constantly annoyed by Maury Povich’s evil, anorexic, gnome-like twin yelling at you about his Free Government Money Program? Yeah, that douche. Being completely clad in a suit covered in question mark makes one think he’s more of a delusional, schizophrenic who believes he’s the Riddler rather than the financial guru of the millennium. A true plagiarist that writes books that are almost 100% copies of government guides to grants and loans that can be obtained for free from the government without having to buy this asswipe’s “guide to bullshitting and getting paid for it” and is the patron saint of lazy freeloaders. Anyone dumb enough to believe there’s free money out there that’s being handed out by a broke government to people who aren’t multi-billionaire Presidents of failed banks deserve to be ripped off from buying this shit for brain’s books or signing up for his Free Government Money Program because you should be smart enough not to make financial commitments based on an advertisement at 3:44am during Sanford & Son commercial breaks. Sorry, but the only reasonable thing that could be done with $19.95 at that time of night is waiting 30 seconds until this asswipe’s ad is done and buying the Girls Gone Wild DVD’s or the Shamwow from the ad afterwards.

EXHIBIT A:


That should really be enough.

SENTENCE: Part of mass exodus of cons like Wall Street brokers, bankers and corporate criminals where they will have to work at McDonalds until the bailout is paid off with 99% interest.


18. OLIVER STONE:
CRIMES: With only a few more months left of the Bush Administration, us liberals were so close to making it until the end of Emperor Bush’s reign without making another dumbass childish remark about him that makes all liberals look like a gang of trash talking school kids. Stone’s movie “W” is a film about the Presidency of George W. Bush and is just another chapter in liberal mediocrity in presenting a case against such an evil President; merely reducing this crook to a petty joke soon to be in the dollar bin at Blockbuster video. Nevermind that the movie was seen by 13 people nationwide and rivaled Gigli in cinematic quality, but the casting was terrible as the guy that played Bush didn’t even look like Bush but resembled more the likes of Charlton Heston which made me ponder from who’s cold dead hands should I demand my money back for seeing this shitty movie?

EXHIBIT A: Made Laura Bush hot in the film which is a huge lie making the rest of the film, that’s supposed to be based on a true story, look like complete, made-up bullshit.

SENTENCE: Public apology for making “W” and must make up for the error by letting Martin Scorsese direct the film “Stoned: The Story of a Dried Up, Washed Out, Hollywood Director That Tries to Make Controvercial Films that Just Turn Out To Be a Shitty Waste of Three Hours.”


17. BOB SAGET:
CRIMES: Aside from being America’s number one wonky, nerdy white guy, this douche bag is trying to reinvent himself as a trash-talking stand up comedian. From having the stage presence of Napoleon Dynamite to saying “fuck” every other line to cover up his “Leave it to Beaver” past, Bob Saget isn’t even that funny as all his “humour” is centered around brow beating better comedians for ripping on him over the years in an overly vulgar way to over compensate for his shitty attempt at comedy that wasn’t enjoyed by anyone outside of the anti-free speech Nazis at the PMRC.

EXHIBIT A: Said “fuck South Park” for making fun of his long stance as host of America’s Funniest Home Videos in one of their episodes that had more comedy in the opening sequence than he’s displayed in his entire career.

SENTENCE: Brick thrown at head as he approaches the stage at open mic night at the Laff House.


16. MADONNA:
CRIMES: Was somewhat hot 20 years ago during the advent of MTV and now known as the anti-boner, this 50-something-year-old woman would be better placed in TV commercials sponsoring Depends Undergarments rather than grinding on Justin Timberlake in a way that makes one wonder if mid-life crisises aren’t just for men anymore. Hope seemed near for Madonna with her album “Ray of Light” as it was her only release where maturity was incorporated both instrumentally and lyrically and didn’t spew out the same lyrical diarrhea of crude sex and ball busting female-chauvanism her previous and proceeding albums have come to contain. From kissing Christina Aguillera and Britney Spears to wearing lingerie too revealing on the covers of magazines, it seems as if this old buzzard is trying desperately to reclaim her past glories of being the world’s biggest whore. Well this is the 21st Century Madonna and Kim Kardashian is busy taking your place so move aside grandma and let the skinny, young brunette sit on the throne of a thousand STDs.

EXHIBIT A:

And her tour was called “Sticky & Sweet”; case closed.

SENTENCE: Photographed nude by Republicans in four years for new ad campaign to keep the young boys of America celibate.


15. JASON STATHAM:
CRIMES: Epitomy of Eurotrash crap acting and newest dickweed on the block ready to plague American silver screens with C list worthy action flicks, Jason Stathom keeps releasing flick after flick of his trademark corny roles and boring monotonal voice. Not showing any sign of age, sickness or an end to that terrible Transporter series, I fear that we’re in for at least another decade of watching his acting feces continue in movie after movie. Always plays the same role of overly macho hardass; even Schwarzenneger played a Kindergarten cop and a devoted father in “Jingle All the Way” and Stallone, although not straying far away from the action genre, wasn’t a bad actor as he actually had depth in a lot of his performances, Statham is just the personification of the future mediocrity that is to be expected to come out of the action genre produced by Hollywood nimrods trying to stuff stupid ass bro-whities into a movie theatre to get a raging testosterone boner watching explosions and pointless fighting.

EXHIBIT A: Concept of a guy having the amp himself on electricity or sex in order to keep the character in the two “Crank” movies going on was such utter bullshit that only a brute shit for brains actor could have played the protagonist.

SENTENCE: Estrogen therapy, sex change and a bad mullet.


14. MILEY CYRUS/HANNAH MONTANA
CRIMES: Proof that America is a nation of ravenous pedophiles hopped up on Cialis and Viagra that lust over pre-pubescent hick girls with no talent whatsoever. Part of a new wave of pre-legal slut meat under the Disney guise of clean family fun, this little spoiled shit knows next to nothing about real life but tries to act like she does with titles like “Hannah Montana: Life is what You Make it” or her book “Miles to Go.” It’s a shame that Wikipedia actually calls her an author when she comes off as your typical 16-year-old idiot teenager with access to way too much money and people to say she’s great because nobody in their right mind would ever pick up this excuse of literature and actually purchase it. The fact that she even wrote her own autobiography is an insult to the art in itself. Don’t autobiographers actually do something important to write about? What’s your story? “So like, Hi, I’m Miley! I was born into a super rich family. I like calligraphy, beading, knitting for two seconds and high fashion. I make a shit load of money selling dopey unoriginal songs to kids. I know the Jonas Faggots and I like think that you just need to like live your life, ya know?! I love god. THE END.” You’re not an author, your book is just one long crappy Myspace blog and your music is as commonplace in the Pop genre as herpes in a nightclub.

EXHIBIT A: She’s the spawn of Billy Ray Cyrus’ seed.

SENTENCE: $25 million in annual income to this ungrateful bitch is redistributed to kids really suffering in the world. After redistribution, she must live poverty stricken life to see if life is really what you and not some greedy capitalist fuck make it.


13. STEPHANIE MEYER:
CRIMES: YOUR BOOKS SUCK BALLS! A true un-original Capitalist that took advantage of dumb goth girl’s fantasy of vampire romance then changed the names, the setting and presto—quick cash to buy crack with!

EXHIBIT A: Quickly selling out the rights to her story to be made into feature length films.

SENTENCE: All copies of the Twilight series are to be checked into The Sarah Palin Honorary Library in Wasilla, AK where after she learns of the use of heathen vampires, Palin bans the books from existance and hires a witch doctor to cast out the evil from the blazing inferno of books.


12. UPTIGHT VEGETARIANS/VEGANS
CRIMES: Self-rightcheous do-gooders who act as if they’re god’s chosen people who are here to enlighten us all about why we should be as pious as they are by choosing not to eat meat. Failing to realize that people have preferences but keep trying to give us the shock treatment by showing mutilated corpses of animals and touting around that “meat is murder” picture that The Smiths used to try to guilt trip everyone into believing their way of living. Sorry but that tactic only makes you the Evangelical nut bags on the left you high and mighty animal douches; the only thing you’re missing is to have at least one fanatical vegan suicide bomb an Oscar Meyer packing plant. You’re not changing the world by showing mangled creatures to people or acting as if you have a higher moral standard than us heathen flesh eaters, you’re only making people throw up their delicious ham sandwich and now you’re responsible for wasting that ham which means that pig died for nothing!

EXHIBIT A: You’ve obviously never been to a vegan restaurant if you’re expecting an example here.

SENTENCE: A steak sandwich…rare.


11. AC/DC
CRIMES: Personified the term pathetic with their geezer revival of their shitty 1970’s cock rock only thirty+ years later with wrinkles, prostate problems and ironically the same attitudes of pretending to be badasses only now those asses are dragging on the floor and the only rocking and rolling they should have been doing in their 60’s should have taken place in a rocking chair and a wheel chair. Angus Young (ironic huh?), the lead guitarist of AC/DC, was featured in a November 2008 cover of Rolling Stone magazine along with his Geriatric cohorts wearing a school boy’s uniform which at a younger age would have signified rock & roll’s rebellion against a stale stereo-type of conformity, but when tried at the age of 54, it only screams desperate, confused pedophile. Any type of potential fun one could have had at an AC/DC concert is automatically removed when one realizes that these men that are rocking out on stage are now the age, or older, than their fathers were when they first heard of AC/DC on an 8-track tape player, which should make one more concerned that these fossils of rock’s past should take it easy or else their hearts will give out instead of trying to make you nostalgic for a band you heard in your teens. YOU’RE A FORTY-FIVE YEAR OLD INSURANCE SALESMAN NOW, YOUR ROCK DAYS ARE OVER!

EXHIBIT A:

Nevermind that the guy in the middle left looks like a grandmother, everyone pictured here looks as if they have polio.

SENTENCE: Quarantined in an empty field in Arkansas where they will play concerts until they can finish turning into dust.


10. JUSTIN BEIBER
CRIMES: Plaguing the airwaves with yet another pre-pubescent tweenage, voice cracking, girl-like pretty face that only proves that people think children are sexy. This fucking 15-year-old that looks like a 9 year old, much like every other stupid kid that think he/she’s a musician, sings about love, life and all the fucking things in the world they know nothing about. Got rich too fast and before you can say statutory rape in a bowl of Fruit Loops, this little asswipe was instantly the hottest thing in the world. Loose the lip gloss kid and play kickball with your little homo friends in Canada asshole!

EXHIBIT A: Album is called “My World.” What a little fuck!

SENTENCE: Arrested for shoplifting lip smakers lip gloss from Claires and a long overdue spurt of puberty.


9. JOHN HAGEE:
CRIMES: It’s a bird, it’s a plane…no…it’s the RAPTURE! Paranoid, fat and rich, are the three main characteristics that encapsulate all that is this repugnant preacher that contorts the word of god to mean that all Muslims must die and war with those who don’t love Jesus is the foreign policy of Christ. Extremely panicked that every religion on the planet, except for the one he so happens to be cashing in on, is out to destroy his faith, John Hagee has built a legion of shithead mid-westerners to follow his doministic religious hegemony and has programmed them to believe that they must give him money so that he may single-handedly unite Israel against the Palestinians because it says so in some book written by some old racist Jew thousands of years ago.

EXHIBIT A: “Harry Potter is contemporary witchcraft!” Oh and apparently Hitler was sent by god to cleanse the Jewish race for not accepting Christ.

SENTENCE: Forced bulemia then raptured to hell with the knowledge that before he’s raptured, his millions of dollars that he’s conned out of people was seized by the IRS for decades of backed taxes.


8. SARAH PALIN:
CRIMES: The perfect personification of the word “ameateur”, this political ditz and fairy godmother of pork spending is now saying she has foreign policy experience because she can see in the distant horizon Vladimir Putin veering his KGB eyes over to America as if to provoke another Cold War from the porch of her hunting cabin where she valiantly shoots endangered species from attacking her clan of children. Ran as second in command to the most powerful job on the planet, her only qualifications were that she’s been governor of a state that has fewer people than the city of San Jose, CA and prior to her win as governor, she had been mayor of Wasilla, AK, a city so small that their town hall is smaller than the average 7/11. Exercized by a witch doctor to cast out evil spirits, Palin is just another example of Republican alliegiance to batshit religious beliefs and small town values that supposedly qualify you to run one of the most sophisticated countries in the world.

EXHIBIT A: Fired a librarian for refusing to remove a book that she thought was objectionable.

SENTENCE: Burned at the stake in a blazing inferno fueled by library books on theology.


7. THE JONAS BROTHERS:
CRIMES: Latest fad in teenage sensationalism, The Jonas Faggots exploded on the scene out of nowhere faster than you can say purity ring. Being spawned from Disney, the same evil corporation that is responsible for doping the minds of little girls with princess fantasies since the 1950’s and pioneers of subtle cartoon racism, these faux musicians expect to be taken seriously. It’s hard to be taken serious when you’re as synonymous with Disney as Mickey, Goofy, pedophiles or overly priced souvenirs and food at Disneyland. Being complete whiney bitches in every song, these queefs have no idea about what it is to really live as these queer-fag-homo-bitches haven’t lived a real day in their pampered lives and it’s no wonder why nobody can take you seriously; who wants to hear songs about high school romance, playing xbox on tour with your 15-year-old band members, diabetes and how awesome everything is—that shit dies when you’re 18 and once you’re older, you’re a fucking loser if you make another song about that shit afterwards. Your singer sounds like a Michael Jackson wannabe, you’d be nowhere if you weren’t prepubescent girlishly cute, you’re whiners about teenage drama when you’re all rich and have nothing to whine about, you’re fake fucks who shout out loud how moral you all are through those gay ass purity rings and your music is as generic as a song playing in the background of a Target commercial.

EXHIBIT A: Actually did have a song playing in the background of a Target commercial.

SENTENCE: Promise Korn, Metallica, and Slipknot fans a free concert and a shark tank full of free beer spiked with PCP then surprisingly switch the bands at the last minute with the Jonas Brothers where they get the shit kicked out of them by hoards of disgruntled, drunken, angry fans.


6. RONALD REAGAN:
CRIMES: Although long dead last year, his policies and legacy were still stinking even years after this Satan incarnate finally left our planet ending his legacy of killing third world democracies, the middle class, unions, nuns and priests along with him. This horrible man is literally known as the Hitler of Latin America but at least our fascist genocidal maniacs were actors at one time. Ideas that originated with Reaganomics finally exploded in the form of the 2008 economic crisis that would have been a full on depression if Reagan’s dream of dismantling Social Security, Medicare, education and purging all useful social safety nets from government were actually given the stamp of approval.

EXHIBIT A: “I always felt that the nine most terrifying words in the English language are, ‘I’m from the government and I’m here to help.’” - Ronald Reagan

SENTENCE: Face is printed on devaluing currency that he’s responsible for while his dried up corpse is dug up, shipped overseas (just like he did with jobs), where it’ll be ground up into powder by laid off union workers and poverty stricken Latin Americans and is subjected to public urination to commemorate his theory of trickle down economics.


5. RON PAUL & RON PAUL REVOLUTIONARIES:
CRIMES: A strong proponent of abolishing the minimum wage so that corporations can have more money to hire poor black people (actual quote paraphrased) as if black people are happy working for $1.28 an hour. A strict Libertarian that believes that government should only exist to protect his right to shoot tresspassers on the 12”x12” piece of property that was all he can afford making, under his own economic plan, $600 annually. Believes that everything should be decided in the marketplace like medicine, health care, housing and we need to go back to “buyer beware” because everyone loves a good tainted meat scare on top of drinking soiled water because Bechtel wanted to save a few bucks. Face it Ron Paul Revolutionaries, your diety is just a scared red-neck hiding in the basement with his family arsonal from the IRS because he didn’t believe it was moral to pay taxes so someone else can be educated, or drive on a road, read a book from a library, receive mail, get medical care, help feed children, fund research for new medicines or use a cell phone that only works because of the efforts of the NASA space programs.

EXHIBIT A: “We have never in a Capitalistic society ever have seen people starving…it was Capitalism that eliminated child labour, eliminated poverty—you do not have famines in true Capitalism.” - Ron Paul, interview with Google Executive Elliot Schrage

SENTENCE: Ron Paul and shithead followers are launched in privatized Boeing spaceship to the planet Blisstonia, the only place in the universe where dipshit ideas work. While on route to Blisstonia, the spaceship explodes due to Boeing corporate budget cuts for profits and market deregulation.


4. THE NOBEL FOUNDATION
CRIMES: Doped up on god knows what and now just hands out prizes as if they were fruit cakes on Christmas. Barack Obama was given the Nobel Speech Prize, I mean Nobel PEACE Prize (same fucking thing apparently) for doing absolutely nothing. Totally ridding itself of any integrity by giving Obama a prize that’s been bestowed on people such as Martin Luther King, Nelson Mandela and others that have actually DONE SOMETHING other than just go from place to place saying that you’re going to do something positive. Face it, the Nobel Foundation treated Obama like Wall Street, he speculated what he was going to do and was rewarded for it without having to give any results.

EXHIBIT A: Obama awarded Peace Prize just 10 days after nation address stating troop levels in Afghanistan will increase by 30,000.

SENTENCE: Muslim terrorists shoot everyone at the Nobel Foundation in the genitals and given Peace Prizes for not killing anyone.


3. HILLARY CLINTON
CRIMES: The personification of all of woman-kind’s more stereotypical traits like brattiness, irrationality and emotional unstableness that set the women’s equality movement back another 10 years. The potential first woman president quickly was thrown out the window with her steadfast commitment to safe politics, cheerleading an invasion of Iran and returning back to her husband’s presidency in an obvious attempt at trying to relive the past instead of moving onto the future. A quick turncoat that nearly gave the election to the Republicans by shit talking all the other Democratic nominees in a desperate attempt at clinging onto a fleeing nomination not for good intentions but for prestige.

EXHIBIT A: Publicized the famous Obama in a turban photo and overstated political experience to mean that time when she was in college and did political stuff and had political opinions, a teenage Nixon supporter, a corporate lawyer who defended Coca Cola against disabled workers and worked for Wal Mart’s legal team and became board member.

SENTENCE: Revealed as hermaphrodite cyborg built by Ann Coulter to rally right-wingers against liberals.


2. YOU:
CRIMES: You’re all fat, dumb and lethargic. You’re in a state of euphoria to find gas that’s 3 cents cheaper than the going rate instead of demanding alternative energy and you only now care about the environment because you’re starting to sweat more in between the rolls of pork fat that you call your gut because of your global warming induced summers. You’re addicted to fatty foods that kills your fat ass faster than your addiction to lead products from China and you think making cars that run on food is a great idea. You think that being an Independent voter means you’re open minded when really you’re just a dipshit who votes on which is the cuter candidate instead of which one best represents your beliefs. You thought that deregulating markets was equivelant to freedom and now you’re choking on poison products and paying a million dollars for a house that was $200,000 just five years ago as a result of your blindsided ignorance to a period of time called The Guilded Age. Your top 40 music charts are always stocked to the brim with the same beat-cyclical, digusting, narcassistic, party-going, brain numbing, rotton lyrical shit that you’d only expect from a population so retarded that it creates millions of like-minded fuck ups such as yourself!

EXHIBIT A: Kid Rock’s album “Rock and Roll Jesus” sold over 2 million copies and Paris Hilton is famous for no fuck reason.

SENTENCE: Interbreed with baboons so that the DNA of primates can improve the brain capacity of the average American.


1. BARACK OBAMA
CRIMES: A completely submissive whipped wuss that wants to play it safe so as to not step on any toes, this spineless cod piece is just another fabulous example of sell out liberalism. Although winning the election, Obama doesn’t seem like he wants to act like it as he wants to bring along all the people that say he’s wrong, irresponsible and practically stupid for doing anything he does because he’s a jackass that doesn’t understand that the winner gets to run the country. Republicans don’t waste anytime; as soon as they win the election, they purge the system of any opposition so that they can give their crooked buddies the legislation they want that leads us into debt and recession but Obama in his infinite pissdom believes in the fairy tale of bringing together everyone in a fantasy-like cumbyah and we’ll all be happy. Bull…shit! His healthcare plan was a joke as it started off from a consession. Hey word of advice when you’re negotiating, if your daughter gets kidnapped you start off by saying you want you daughter back, not by saying you want a her fingernails back and an expired gift certificate to Arby’s you fucking idiot! The public option went off the table because he got intimidated by an inbred hick on Facebook that lives in Alaska, and he flip flopped on establishing health care purchase mandates because he’s a nutless bag of political sleaze that only shows that regardless of Emancipation Proclamation, Barack Obama still has a slave’s mentality. You won now act like it and stop bringing along the abstructionists that are only going to say no to whatever watered down, shitty piece of “populism” you plan on you fake liberal, centrist, wussy ass, Democratic Party, play it safe, excuse for a leftist leader, sell out bitch!

EXHIBIT A: Kept Secretary of Defense Gates from the Bush administration and is doing exactly what the Bush administration did to combat the recession and supposedly there’s a difference.

SENTENCE: Loses to Republican nominee Hillary Clinton in 2012 election following the passing of legislation that remove the words “hope” and “change” from the dictionary as four years of political mediocrity provided by the Obama administration have literally drained those two words of all meaning.